Okay, Let’s Get Real
The year is 2018. Optimistic doesn’t begin to describe my state of mind. I want to start a YouTube channel. I want to be a blogger. I just want to be seen, I want to be heard. I want acceptance. Even in the midst of all of this, I feel empty. I struggled that entire year with feeling like I wasn’t truly walking in my purpose. It was also the year after I had lost my father. Many emotions were felt, things that I never had experienced were happening. All in all, I think that 2018 was definitely the year that pushed me to want greater for myself. On my own terms.
I remember purchasing so many things all with the idea and intention of pouring into my brand, the one that I was at the time so excited to establish. There were financial losses. Many items had begun to collect dust, my mind wasn’t set on even using them. I started to wallow in doubt. What if nobody likes this? What if no one supports me? Moreover, why was that such a concern for me? Eventually, and even still, I started to understand that that didn’t matter. I needed to live for Johnńea and connect with others through what made me happy. And that’s when it clicked. I dedicated more time to being my true and authentic self and ultimately, I was rewarded for doing so.
2019 was the year of opportunities- and I seized them all. I started to connect more with people on my level, still I learned from those that weren’t. Purpose was my theme, it fueled me. I began to understand my own more and more as the days went by. My time went to more reading, more meditation, more self-reflection and realization. Manifesting got me through, and helped me to tackle some of my greatest fears. My acceptance was becoming internal and that’s all that really mattered. I was slowly understanding that I could still do YouTube, be a blogger, I could still influence others. But what exactly was my impact going to be? How could I ensure that I’d be setting myself apart from the average Joe?
So here we are in 2020. Two years later and I’m finally ready to dive into the things that I’ve been sitting on for so long. And that’s okay. I had to learn to trust in the timing, trust in the process. Despite all that has been going on in the recent months I’m very motivated. I’m determined to keep pushing. And I want to encourage others who may be like me. It’s okay. I’ve learned that it’s so important to do those things that make you happiest, when you are ready. There may seem like a wrong time but it’s all divine. It’s all going to come together and when it does, it’s going to be beautiful.
I needed to learn that being my authentic self was necessary. I realize that there are many parts to me, and they are what make me unique. That most definitely is my power. It’s what helps me to relate to so many people, even if I feel that I don’t. So nonetheless, I just had to have the guts to do it. I wasn’t going to feel any fulfillment until I shared everything that I had been longing to for so long. This journey was meant to be shared with others and in time, I’ll be able to reveal what it’s taught me. The things that I am still learning. And cannot wait to bring you all along with me.